God, I trust you

I am really worried right now. I checked my ledger on my school account and the numbers didn't add up. I am weeks away from quitting my job, days away from submitting my clinical application and now I don't know if I'll have the funds for school. I am an emotional roller coaster right now; sad, afraid, kicking myself for thinking I could do something as crazy as this, and feeling completely stupid and worse of all I am beginning to question God. I thought that this is what I was supposed to do, I thought I was being obedient. All this way and now I get the rug pulled from underneath me?! A small part of me still believes that something will come through.

My process when something like this happens is to completely lose it and throw a pity party. I go from my type A characteristics and thinking it's the end of the world; "I'm going to be without a job, I'll have to withdraw from school, return the books, uniforms, cancel the order for the stethoscope, return the supplies. I am going to look like a fool to everyone. Poor Meghan, she thought she was following Gods' will for her...

Then I take a step back and look at what needs to be done. Nothing is confirmed. I can go to the business office tomorrow and talk to Alice and work through the numbers with her. If everything is kosher, then no harm, no foul. If not, I'll go to my advisor, withdraw from classes and maybe I can start clinicals with the next class. After that, I'll have to find a job or leave the country. (I'm only half kidding)

I have a limited perspective, I know. Maybe an anonymous donor will write a check for a second degree BSN student, maybe I'll find $10,000. I know that I've come to the end of what I can do which is nothing compared to what He can do.

There is no way I can study for finals in my current state. I need to mediate and get deep in the Word.I am really worried right now. I checked my ledger on my school account and the numbers didn't add up. I am weeks away from quitting my job, days away from submitting my clinical application and now I don't know if I'll have the funds for school. I am an emotional roller coaster right now; sad, afraid, kicking myself for thinking I could do something as crazy as this, and feeling completely stupid and worse of all I am beginning to question God. I thought that this is what I was supposed to do, I thought I was being obedient. All this way and now I get the rug pulled from underneath me?! A small part of me still believes that something will come through.

My process when something like this happens is to completely lose it and throw a pity party. I go from my type A characteristics and thinking it's the end of the world; "I'm going to be without a job, I'll have to withdraw from school, return the books, uniforms, cancel the order for the stethoscope, return the supplies. I am going to look like a fool to everyone. Poor Meghan, she thought she was following Gods' will for her...

Then I take a step back and look at what needs to be done. Nothing is confirmed. I can go to the business office tomorrow and talk to Alice and work through the numbers with her. If everything is kosher, then no harm, no foul. If not, I'll go to my advisor, withdraw from classes and maybe I can start clinicals with the next class. After that, I'll have to find a job or leave the country. (I'm only half kidding)

I have a limited perspective, I know. Maybe an anonymous donor will write a check for a second degree BSN student, maybe I'll find $10,000. I know that I've come to the end of what I can do which is nothing compared to what He can do.

There is no way I can study for finals in my current state. I need to mediate and get deep in the Word.